I haven't been sleeping well, I have been going to bed very late maybe suffering from slight insomnia and getting up very early and anybody who knows me knows I don't get up early unless my bed is on fire. So for the first time this week, after a great church service I went to bed on time i.e before the chickens got up. But as my luck would have it I had to dream something about chuckies mom trying to kill the bride of chuckie because turns out chuckies bride is damn abusive....yes I would make a kickass horror movie writer!
So anyway it's 4am and I am up and can't seem to get back to my sleep, ok maybe I'm a bit afraid I'll see chuckies mom again! She scares me! There is no better time to think of all the worlds problems than at 4am.
Worlds problems? I mean my problems.
I started thinking about a certain past relationship of mine and that's where this "dangling the carrot" thing comes from.
I was crazy about him! And he knew it...well I didn't exactly make a secret of it. We met a few years ago after he'd try to ask me out a few times on Facebook but that one particular day I had had a major fight with my older boyfriend and I packed my staff then decided instead of sitting at home mopping, let me give this fella a chance in any case when was the last time I went on a date. So we made arrangements and went on our date the next evening. Our story will unfold in this book I have been threatening to write so if you stick around long enough I might just make real on that threat. Anyway I have known and been crazy about this guy for 4 years! 4 whole years but we were never officially an item, we were "seeing" each other from time to time and why I was stuck in a "seeing" relationship with the dude for 4 whole years was because this dude kept dangling the damn carrot infront of me, he told me he loved me and that's what I wanted to hear so I kept chasing the damn carrot but could never catch it because as much as he kept telling me he loved me nothing came out of it and at some point I convinced myself that maybe he loved differently! Bullsh*t n*gga was dangling the carrot and I'll tell you why in that book I keep threatening about.
But all is not lost you see because oneday I woke to the really that actually I have been chasing my own tail around the whole time. So what did I decide? Skrew his carrot! I don't need his carrot, I still want the carrot but I don't need his unattainable carrot. I can have my own carrot, I can love and be happy with myself-my own carrot!
